it begins where it ends

You want role-models in life.. someone you want to look up to.. I never found someone in real life..so i looked for them in fiction.. and i found plenty. Its amazing how you create someone you want to look up to by just writing about it .. by creating a world around it and by fitting that world according to the role model..I tried doing that too..

I started writing about it and immersed myself in that process .. I wrapped myself with that thought and let it take control of me.. every action I did was to conform to that idea and every-way i reacted was to its norms..  I designed my world to respond to it and let him take control... to a point where I was him and he was me. Reality was a dream and the dream was the reality.. Wen you let an idea take control of u ..everything else is a blur..Imperfection is eliminated and so is every thing that does not fit..and wen you see your life from the role-models perspective you are ashamed of ursef.. you are ashamed to look at wat you have become from what your potential was.. you tell him that u wer forced to do it coz of circumstances .. of how weak u became by it all that one day you snapped and recoiled...you cry and beg for forgiveness. u want to let it all go .. but then how can u forgive ur own self.. how can u kno wat u did was not meant to be done whilst doing it..who would decide wat is right and wat is wrong .. wen u are your own role model .. whom do you then look up to..then isn`t wat is happening supposed to happen !!

    This is where the dream ends...sometimes u want the dream to continue .. u try to bring it bac ..but it never does...but then again ,,was it really a dream or this is a dream right now ...

HDK

PS : Thats why yu write.. so that the role model is not lost..tat once in a squeaky cupboard you find an old diary and u can look and let  him rise again.. although he is now obscure and gone from the imagination.. u read about him and let him take control again..the fictional role model :)